tHe change in m3 ~ part 4
After i started writing my blog few days ago , everything seemed to be different now . Everyone seemed to be , just different …… Different ways of talking to me , different ways of expressing themselves , different ways of carrying themselves , and im glad , different ways of looking at me . Does a shout out from the blog can really change others point of view overnight ? Perhaps my answer is … yes !
I would love to thank all of you who drop off everything and spend your priceless time reading what i’ve wrote . Writing this blogs is my daily routine now . Another way of overwriting my daily diary , coz writing down my routine here keeps me going , and i dont feel lonely anymore . Its a way of expressing myself , or should i say , having a chance to have YOU as my friend , knowing me better and at the same time , ME , knowing you …
I have a strange feeling something different is going to happen now at this point of time onward …… something good , something fun , and something sweet … coz only after today that i realized there’s actually alot of nice people around who understands and share the same view and thinking like i do . People who care about others sincerely , people who are true and special , people like YOU ~
I love to meet different beautiful souls all around me , special ones who’s smart enough to complete my next sentence without me needing to say more , smart ones who know how to respect others and generous enough to not being selfish to themselves , someone who knows how to treat others like what they expect others to treat them … It’s easy to get a friend cuz whenever u walk out the door , there’s plenty of them waiting for you to approach them or just mingle around and u’ll got to know plenty of new friends . But to get a true one , it’s not easy at all . You might know everyone in town , but you might not even have a single ‘friend’ out of so many … agree ?
I strongly believe in the balance of Yin & Yang . Just like karma … what goes around comes around . And if u want something , u work hard for it , coz even if u dont see the result of ur hardwork now , god will definitely pay u back sooner or later . Maybe the god has been busy when u need him at that point of time . Remember , u’re only one single tiny lil soul , god has to take care of the wholoe world including aliens , give him some time will yah ? He never rests , imagine that …. pity him ….
Sometimes when u want something badly , my advise , dont push it ~! Imagine if u wanna eat a taufu so badly and u urge yourself to scoop it up fast , the taufu will smack onto the floor n turn into err …. u know ? (what kind of example is this , aDui ~!) Just like if u love someone too much , dont force them to be like what we want them to be , coz they’ll leave u someday , somehow … If u happen to think of it , if u want them to change into someone else , then they’re no longer the person who caught your attention back then , they’re no longer the person u know , the person u love , the person u care of … coz if u care , why would u wanna force them to change ? Aren’t they’re perfect enough to get u go nuts over them earlier back then ? And don’t blame them when they’re behaving like someone else , coz it’s YOU , and it’s always YOU who force them to become someone even they themselves doesnt recognize . How could u possibly coupe up with the change , if the person who are changing is actually YOU . Coz it’s YOU who changed the whole beautiful story first , it’s YOU who changed your mind about your partner , it’s always … YOU !~ So stop hurting your partner , it’s not that they’re not good enough , it’s YOU who’ve gone side ways somehow and couldn’t accept the fact that everyone is unique in a way , each and everyone in this world is special , and their different … it’s YOU who couldn’t accept the fact that YOU couldn’t manage to stuff yourself into others life , not them … They never complain about you , so stop complaining about them … and please , never backstab your love ones although they’ve made a big mistake …… for choosing YOU ~! It hurts , alot …
Love , a simple yet complicated word … there’s no actual definitions of love , coz it’s a never ending word … To give without love is easy , but to love without giving , it’s IMPOSSIBLE ~! To get more love , there’s no short cut to this , the only way to achieve the best result is to give more … and eventually more love will come to you …
Sometimes , even when we did our best to keep a relationship from going on , in the end , we ourselves is the one who end it . But deep inside we know clearly that what if that is the best solution to everything , then it must be done . There’s no need to drag a relationship for so long if there’s no more love and joy but pain n tears … I believe that all of u guys who have had someone special before clearly understand what i mean by that . When we love someone , it doesnt mean that we must OWN that very person , just let everything be the way it’s suppose to be , be natural … and everything will be alright … And when we leave someone , it doesnt mean that we dont love that particular person anymore … it’s just that maybe we cant seemed to fit into each others life anymore , and its better to keep as friend than a special friend , then it’s of course better to let go , than to hold on and keep on hurting each other and end up with two broken hearts unintentionally … And maybe by letting go , time changes everything and one day , you two unexpectedly bump into each other somewhere in this big big lil world and spark flies , lights on , music ~ and u two lil love birds will get together again . And believe me , if that happens , the bond between u two will be even stronger than the previous one … coz u knew , deep inside that what turns wrong back then , and never repeat the same mistake anymore …
If being together is to control others life like having a pet dog in your life and to get what u want from them and not giving out , then , i happily crown u with the title ‘ the luckiest person in the whole world ‘ coz u had however , found a loyal pet dog and u’ll die never knowing what’s love and what’s giving , ending your life with just two word , selfish and worthless ~! Explain - ‘ Where are you now ? Cannot , u’re not allowed to go out with dut dut , i dont like em . Why must u go out ? Stay at home , i though u have your project , u finish already meh ? Finish it lah ~! Why u wanna go out ? U’re very rich ah ? Too much money duno where to spend ah ? Why u wanna go there again ? You think ur life too long to live ah ? Why u smoke ? You wanna go search for another lengchai/leng nui izit ? Ok , OK , OK , u listen carefully ah , if u go u dont call me again ~! / OK , OK , U go lah , how dare i ask you not too , u always do things your way de lah ‘ Ok , U try to go lah , see what will happen ‘ OK , u go and i go too ….. etc etc etc …’ Eh , come on lah , u crazy or what ? U think if u lock their body at home = locking their heart in yours , u’re mad ~ Maybe nothing will happen in a year or two , but when they have the chance to step outta the house n see the world , they’ll leave u for good . And by that time if u wanna start a fight with them , they’ll answer u nothing much but this - ‘ If u dont like it , its your problem ‘ ‘ You say whatever u wanna say , im still gonna do it ‘ ‘ You dont like it , then fuck it ~! ‘ ‘ I tell u what honey , go get yourself a dog , coz i dont look like one ‘ ‘ You dont think by yelling at me i’ll follow whatever u say , u didnt give me my life , n my life is not yours to control ‘ ‘ i think u’d gone way too far dalin” ‘Stop yelling at me im not your pet dog ‘ ‘ ARHG ~!~!~ im not a dog ah ‘ or just a simple phrase ‘ Alright , i’ve had enough ‘ <– familiar ? Want me to list out some other example of lines they will throw to you straight onto your face ?
There’s 2 kind of people . People who likes to control , and people who love to be controlled . This is what i call the balance of life . Ppl who controls feels that the other side still love them if they listen to whatever they say n follow whatever they ask them to do , they’re like the boss controlling everything in a relationship , they think that the partner cant live without them , they thought that they have however , had everything under control . I didnt say its wrong doing that , coz most of the people are doing it , even now , even YOU might be doing it , it’s not wrong . I tell u why . People who love to be controlled , they feel like a lil lamb meKkk MeeeKKkk , so soft n cuddly n ‘ke lian ‘ (stands for pity in chinese ) , they felt protected by their love ones all the time coz they are too soft to fight back , they feel like their love one is very MAN , they are happy coz they found the MASTER to control of everything which will go wrong or right somewhere , somehow , they feel safe coz they have someone STRONG who can protect them . Funny how things go , just like my case . There’s never a balance in love , its either u love that person more , or the other way round . But it certainly doesnt mean that the one who love lesser is the one who gave out lesser , get that right ~! Love is a one to one thingy , never had enough of it , never gave enough … There’s not perimeter to calculate love , and to understand that , you search for it , and learn from it . You learn sorrow , to find the way to unlimited happiness , you learn tears , to get a sweet path to a melting smile , you learn to forgive when u overcome and accept hate and lies , you learn to love only when you understand that giving out love doesnt guarantee that u’ll receive it back … you learn love only when u can manage everything wisely , but then mess things up stupidly … you learn love when u thought u gave enough , but in the end u realized its yourself who messed the whole thing up . You love , only when u wanna love sincerely , and that u are not afraid lose anything … you can love anytime u want , anywhere u want … but please love someone only when u really mean it and understand how to love and cherish , i will be glad to see u love , but im never glad to see you hurt someone , coz i rather see u not loving them at all , than hurting them …
You can paint a picture , buy a Big Mac , throw it away and treat it as though u never had it before … but u cant love someone , leave them and go on as though u never love them before … If u do not agree , think again …
Only love when you are ready to give people unlimited happiness … It’s better not to have a lover if u dont have time for them . Imagine u have a girl/guy , everytime u called ‘ im busy dear , call u back in a minute ‘ ( then there goes another same call n another n another … and the end of the story ) So why start one when u know it’s gonna end very soon … why hurt someone when u know u can love them better being a friend than a special one ? Remember , think , before u love ~! It’s worst than sitting for a tough exam , coz this is what we called - the toughest test ~!
Some says ‘ u love when u wanna love , its a natural thing , u dont need anything to love , u just … love ~! ‘ Then , please , consider this … HOI ~! U crazy ah ? U though love is really that simple ah ? Yes , but NO ~! Take this … do u see love when u see your love ones suffer coz of u ? Do u find love , when u found sad tears in your lovers eyes ? Do u think there’s love when you’re the one dragging your love ones’ life down ? Explain - You cant even buy her a meal , then forget bout it ~! Work hard n wait until the day u can then only u should get another person into your life . Why force yourself doing things that u cant be able to bear ? Why cause her to suffer for you when she can be happier without u ? Why let her suffer the pain and problems that u have when she’s better off without u ? Loving someone doesnt mean that u must have them , and loving someone is that u love only when the time n condition is suitable n fit in .
But there’s another form of love too … You love her , but u cant even bear your own expenses , u go with her … day after day , u 2 know each others need n life very well , ur lover knows u need money , they force themselves to work so so hard for each other , they end up happy , suffer , but yet , still happy ~! Then its ok . Coz its a two person thing . If u two agree , then its ok to love.
Nowadays people are all very realistic . Even me myself , i’ll explain why n i dont think u’ll say its bad to be realistic . You’re damn poor , u promise that u’ll give a girl a good life , yet , u NEVER work hard for it . We didnt expect u to give us a fixed deposit account did we ? But at least lah u work hard , if the girl agree to have a normal life just 3 meals are enough then ok lah . But dont lah if u’re not that kinda smart people who work hard n earn money ones you pulak go for a girl who can get all kinds of guys they want . This is very true u know . If u cant bear the expenses and maintenance of a Ferrari , get a 2nd hand Kancil loh . Im not being a dumb head here , just to tell u the fact of the world today . Just like girls , if u’re just have ur pity lil pretty face n body n has no brain n u just dream to have a rich guy , go get an old men in stead coz he’ll die fast n u can have all his money . Just like u guys , u’re not capable and u wanna get what ? A super girl ? Good , please go to bed now , u’ll have plenty of them ~! Face the fact , everything happens for a reason , and everything is here for a reason .
To all those pain in the butt de ppl , If u say girls are materialistic nowadays , dont blame us for doing that . Coz u guys made us one bAd sexy asshole ~! ASk yourself , if u met two girls , both were very nice person , both loves u as much , but one is pretty n one is not , need to say more ? I didnt say that everyone is the same by choosing but then this question is purposely threw by me to all those guys out there who never stop categories n critic us girls for being realistic . ANd everyone , guys n girls , just tell me this , do u agree on - everyone deserve a better life , and everyone deserves the best , why settle for the second best when u have a chance for the best ? ‘ See ? That’s what im trying to say . NEVER , judge any girl or guy for being materialistic n realistic , its not their fault It’s already here in the world before , now , and ever …. It’s YOU , yourself , your own pitiful soul’s fault for being so naive , hammer head n so left out and never been able to face the fact . Face it ~! coz u’ll have to face it anyway , anyhow … Dont agree ? I’ll give u say like , ermm …. 5 years ? And then think of what i say again , then answer yourself …
To have a better life , work hard now …… even u’re 50 reading this , it’s still early . There’s never too late . Coz if u dont start NOW , u’ll never know when it’s too late … maybe your ‘too late’ comes tomorrow , a hundred years , or , the next minute ……
My advise , in your daily routine or even in your love life , start something only when you know you’re capable of handling n managing it . Never be too overconfidence n hammer head to start something far beyond your capability , coz it’ll only cause you a bad headache and unlimited access to sadness … maybe if u’re those who love to watch Korean drama / Taiwan drama u can try it lah , so that you can make full use of the tissues and lil towels your mum bought for you when u break down , all the time along the process of suffering …
If you need a friend now , Girls especially , dont be hesitate to keep in touch with me … Im always here for you , coz i know how it feels when u felt like u’re the only one left in your tiny lil world … Been through , done that . Friends does help alot , trust me ~! You can go through the whole thing by yourself like me , but it takes alot of courage n pain to do that … alone ~! And to those girls n guys who hated me so much now for stating out the truth of life , continue hating me , but i love u ~! MMmMUUaaAHhh ~! It’s ok to hate , but not for too long ….. coz in the end , the one who suffers is the one who befriended HATE , not FORGIVE …..
To all the beautiful people who’re now reading this lil corner of my page … i love you guys , coz u kept me writing <– ops ~! i mean kept me going ….. hehe ~! and when the going gets tough , come on , It’s never tough , i though YOU are going to be there de ~
I’m leaving soon … my clock is ticking … hope to see you guys soon after my trip . I salute u guys , for being nothing much , but the very true self of YOU …..
love always ……. leng yein
January 26th, 2006 at 4:31 am
Another very well written blog of yours. I believed you spent lotsa time doing it;expressing your thoughts and sharing it among your circle.
I notice you still write about the topic of ‘Change’ and I sense (again!) that you hv tremendous dissatisfaction in your past relationship. Perhaps what have transpired between you and your ex made you see many things differently, and that their unreasonable demands on you made you very sick and protective. I can’t comment whether you were right in pointing fingers at them, if the person that really change was them. Perhaps take a chill pill, spent sometime and do some self reflection on what caused the changes? As I said before, changes is constant and the factor is always 2 person.
To love someone is about accepting and adapting, in short, compromising. A relationship started out very sweet, when both parties were still shy and try very much not to reveal their weakness. As time goes by, perhaps all these prevail and its another test again. The test of time; its all about patience, empathy and trust. That is why some ppl find it weird, why a relationship started like bees to honey but in the end, it end up like a sour grape. Perhaps both didn’t know each other that much at first and jump into the relationship? Perhaps situation changes both of them? Only they themselves will know. Like I said, ppl changes. Even when you fell in love with your friend of many years and he/she seemed to be a nice guy/girl at first, he/she will still change due to many many factors..eg;money,success, etc.
So, its all about adaptation. When I say adaptation doesn’t mean agree to someone even though he/she has a real bad issue. Sometimes a person just won’t realise that he/she has some real issues like bad temper, foul mouthd, heavy smoker, player, etc. It depends whether the opposite party is caring enough to highlight it and talk sense. Don’t see this as FORCING someone to change, its merely part of adaptation to the life of both. Go think, if he/she doesn’t give a damn about you, do you think he/she will be bothered at all? Do you think he/she will be bothered to open the damn mouth and know that you’ll take every word he/she said defensively and then arguement starts? As stated by youself my dear, if a guy doesn’t love you, do you think he really bothered to lie to you? The same logic applies
Change will no longer be an issue if both parties fits in the love equation comfortably. Cuz in any relationship, there are always A and B in it. Eg; happines = A + B, love = A + B, etc. In any relationship its normal to have arguement cuz both tries to work out the math and how to fit both A and B in their equation. There is no such thing as individual ways of handling things, etc. Both gotta talk things out. Both gotta brief each other on their plans and what they wanna do. Its not just about one person taking lead and the other follows. This theory applies even for tough girls. Let me illustrate; if you think that guys always force a girl to change and follow his way and never respect you or couldn’t even bothered to ask you if you’re ok with it, imagine how would you bf think if you do the same. Dont you feel that you’re actually repeating the same error that was made ONTO you before?
People always learn from their past mistake and then apply the lesson in their life. But ones gotta be careful and understand that everyone is unique and to apply the same thinking and your new found knowledge onto that new person can be catastrophe. Eg, you learn to be very firm with your life and won’t let others question your ways of doing things now cuz in the past you were too lenient and let your ex took control of your life. Therefore, you have this new found attitude and thinking. But my dear, what if someone new came into your life and he happen to be someone democratic, someone who is open to suggestions, someone who likes to speak up and someone who see things differently? Will his opinions be treated as ‘violating’ and ‘intruding’ into your life? Are you gonna predict that ‘if I let him do that now, he will control my life in the future so I gotta avoid that’..etc..etc.In short, you just gotta treat diff ppl differently.
To further illustrates changes; imagine yourself rowing a cute little boat just fit enough for two. As you were rowing your boat along the river of love, you met Mr B. You were deeply attracted to Mr B and you invited him on your boat. He was a special guy and he doesn’t have this ego nor thinking of ‘I’m a man, you shd come to my boat’. He just hop into your boat and both of your share sweet sweet moments rowing the boat along the river of love. As times went by, Mr B showed some real funny/annoying habits. He dig his nose, he farts, he mess with the fish, he likes to race with other boats when provoked, he likes to shake his leg, etc. What he did was kinda irritating and might rock the boat and made both of you fall into the river. You highlight to him and he listens attentively. He changed into a better man and then the boat was all calm and you row happily again BUT its YOUR turn to show really funny/irritating habits. You like to scold other boats and you sometimes say things thats insult many people, incl Mr B w/o you even realising. Then Mr B highlight to you but you were too firm and doesn’t wanna talk bout it cuz it always ended up in arguements. Because of that, the boat always rocked and soon, both of you just fell into the river cuz the boat has already cracked and broken into pieces. Now, lets study this simple story. Mr B DID change, because its for the better of both. He didn’t think that change is a bad and intrusive thing. He didn’t even think that you were ‘trying’ nor ‘will try’ to control his life in the future cuz he always think positively of you. Now, assuming that Mr B succedd in talkin sense into you and you realize that you just gotta slowly change ya habits, the boat will always be calm and both of you will flow happily along the river of love. This story is mere fiction and it doesn’t mean to pinpoint that the girl is always at fault. Its all about adapting and compromising. You might think ‘why can’t Mr B accept me as I am and stop asking me to change? Why can’t he fit into my life?’ If I am allowed to answer for Mr B, I will say its all back to the equation of love again, that is A and B. (re-read above if you forget).
Will continue on next instalments…cheers!
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dear mOnkki ,
It’s obvious that both of us are two soul of very typical Aries who like things their way . But tell u what , i still stick to my point where i’ll do everything that i think its right coz i will have my very good reason to support that . Doing things my way without affecting others life and without hurting people , i dont think that’s wrong . STill , i will , do things my way ………….typical ~! That’s me ~! MuaH ~! Very hammer head when it comes to someone challenging me … Tell u my little secret , the only way to let me do things your way is to tell me softly , coz i’ll be dead , flatly ~! And turn into a little usahana covering my cute lil mouth n follow WHATEVER u say … Yelling n pressing hard doesnt work on me , but SOMETIMES , SOMEHOW , it works also lah …… think ~! Muah
love love ,
leng yein
January 27th, 2006 at 2:31 am
well to me… love is not about changing a person to another person that fits your requirement.
Love is to appreciate all that person’s good things and at the same thing accept the bad ones.
To me, if you think love can change a person, then perhaps it’s not a mature love. learn to accept things as it is, accept girl as what she is, not changing her to adapt.
To me, love is built on 2 different individual, both individual still has his / her own space after getting together. Both should trust and respect each other, not forcing them to do what they dislike, or always call up to check. If you don’t trust, then don’t be together with him/her.
January 27th, 2006 at 7:17 pm
vincent,
well said but in an ideal world and relationship, your statement is as good as fairy tale. Love DOES change a person. Accept her as she is and not to force her to change might be partially true but do a reality check. Eg. you’ve got a gf who suddenly at some point of her life began to grow obsessed with online games or friendster and spent like 5-6 hours a day on it. My question to you; Will you advise and try ya best to change that habit of your gf? Will you just let her be and see the end of ya relationship? Will you just keep quiet of it and suck it up thinking everything is ok?
If youd did ANY of the above, define mature love then. That’s why I say adaptation and positive changing of someones behaviour. NOT changing someone to what you like and dressing him/her up to your liking. Some ppl just keep quiet and be OK with most things but hey, are you gonna be happy with it in the long run? Think twice, why you didnt highlight the issue at the first place. Were you too afraid to lose her? Or were you just being hyphotetical thinking that everything will be ok?
Love is undeniably built on 2 individual but what purpose does it serves when both are going on their own ways? I guess the word compromise is not there anymore, only arrogance whereby couples do things THEIR way. I only agree with you that space is important and not to check up on ya loved ones but a simple sms will be sufficient to show that you still care. No one needs a daily report of what you eat or what you’ve seen. Cheers!
January 31st, 2006 at 5:21 pm
monkiki,
well, again there is no absolute right or wrong in a comment, it just shows how a person opinion and how he choose his life.
well to me, if I don’t like a girl to get online too often, then I will not choose a gf like this.
and if at one point, that girl suddenly change, that only shows to me one thing: I’m a lousy bf. because I’m not able to give her enough love or care, so she needs to find it on other. and if I change and give her more love / care, probably she will change.
when a situation happen, instead of thinking how to adapt or change her, I always think how am I responsible for her to be like that, and how am I suppose to change myself so she can be a better person.
To me: If hill cannot move, road will move, if road cannot move, person will move. so changing myself is always easier than adapting others.
however monkiki, I respect what you said, and again no right or wrong, just a matter of choice and opinion.
Happy new year~!
Vincent