Leng Yein’s Blog

PpL miGht kNow a sUccEsSfuL pErsOn , bUt tHey nEveR kNoW tHe pAin bHinD tHoSe sUcCeSs … face the fact of life ~ this is my story ………

Years ago when im still studying , every time my friends call me out , it must be me to attend a party or sumthing n sponsors everything and end up people just leaving me aside . I never betray my friend , i swear to god , i tried so hard , so hard to let everyone around me to at least like me as a simple friend . I guess things just goes side ways and turn the other round . Whenever they finished uses me , i’ll be left alone with nothing but bitches laughing behind me n backstabbing me that im a useless brainless bitch .

Those days back when im outta school and stepping into college life , you know lah , those bitches who went to Australia thought that their so good . Talking behind me ‘ Aiyoh , why lah Leng Yein ? Your parents can afford u to go study overseas , y u stay put in this country ‘ You know what bitch ? Fuck off ~ It’s my life . Back then , i was nothing but just a simple girl who just lost a father and fell in love with my first love which i made my decision not to go UK to further study and stay put in Malaysia . Little did my friends know that im actually planning to go overseas but then changed my mind all bcoz of my boyfriend back then .

Back to times during my 2nd semester of my A-Level , something happen and my boyfriend asked me to stop study coz he cant bare the pain of me staying so far away from him . I know this is stupid but then i did , i did made my choice to give up my studies . And girls , i wont say this is wrong , or even say this is right . Coz i prove myself right now even people said i made a wrong choice back then . You know something , when im back from my college , i was left with nothing . My mum was so furious at me coz she wanted me to continue my studies . She was already furious when i took my exams and going to fly to UK and then i told her i wanna stay put in Malaysia , think , can u picture how angry she is at me when i ended coming back saying i duwanna study anymore bcoz of ……. my boyfriend ~!!!

I was left with no one but my one n only lovey dovey boyfriend . Imagine then i notice changes in him . He knows very well that all i’d left is him then he started to shout n scream at me . Time does change a person , from angel to devil . Just months , u can spot bruises all over me . And now , i thank him the most , for making me NOW … I thank him for letting me giving up my studies , coming back to my little hometown where everyone in town knows my family and knows who i am … i thank him for letting the whole town laughing at a useless girl who are now brainless and useless , a little girl who cant do anything bcoz she doesnt have a certificate …… a girl who love a person so much but getting all the pressure from all around , and yet , boyfriend hurting me every few days . When i left him , you’ll never get to taste the bitterness i suffered , the pain n sorrow i had . From everyone in town pointing finger at me saying that it must be my fault , it must be me coz im pretty , it must be me maybe i have another boy out there , its myself for being so stupid to stop studying n now ended with no certificate n no achievements …… It’s always me , it’s always my fault ….

All these years … this period is the time when i woke up n realized alot of things , i realized that even how much a person love u , u’ll never know what will happen one day … dreams are always a dream … and everyone should know how to differentiates a hope , a dream , and the fact of life , the reality … I realized that in the end , no matter what happen , whether u r happy or not , all u’ll be left is all by yourself … You can choose to hate yourself for being stupid , or love yourself for being strong … i choose both …

I never dare go out coz i know wherever i go around town , ppl will be starting to pointing finger at me talking bad things which is not true . Just imagine i lost my study for a person not worth me loving , lost a person i love most , and lost my mum coz she hates me so much back then , and lost all my friends coz they believe those bitches spreading my rumours around , and taking up fingers pointing at me laughing ‘ Haha , see ? She deserve it , Leng Yein’s a bitch . Now she cant get a good job coz she doesnt has a certificate n now pity her , even the boyfriend she love most for 3 years leave her … hahahaha ~ ‘

I know what u girls did to me back then , i myself know very well how much  how deep i’d fall … I would love to thank all of u bitch now that because of you … i pick myself up and love myself more …. I nEveR fOrgEt hArD tImeS … i rEmemBer iT iNsteAd , cOz i LeaRnt tO bE sTronGeR …I will never forget how u treat me back then , even if im smiling to u today … Hey bitch , remember that ~ What goes around , comes around . You can mess with me , but u can never runaway from KarmA ….. I love u deArSSss ~ thank you so much girls ~

wHen iM sMiLinG HapPiLy nOw , i sIncEreLy ThanK aLL tHosE LovELy pEopLe wHo oNcE hUrt mE dEepLy … I didnt start out easily , and perhaps i should thank god for giving me this tough test . Coz i prove myself doing the right thing even im without a certificate like u girls … you laughed , you teased , you looked down on me , now u take it back , and i give in , coz i realized that after all these times , i should’ve realized that even the worst time comes , i still can survive …

You thought its easy that a 18 years old girl climb from the very bottom to what i am now ? Yes ? Then try ~ Coz i still heard ppl saying ‘ Cheh , she must have done something behind if not how she got to this place now ? ‘ Tell u what girls , what i have now , its not up to my expectations . Hear this , what i want is more , and more and never enough . I wont settle for something just nice , i want the best for me . Coz i know its not your life , its my life . Like it or not u can still pray everyday for me to drop down again but i tell u now , even if i drop down again , i will never stop trying to climb up . And if i made it , i’ll make sure that what i have by then is more than what i am now , bare in mind ~ I will never give up on myself anymore ……. coz YOU , YOu gave up on me once , and that’s enough … I dont care what u girls think bout me or cursing me behind my back , i wont allow myself to fall bcoz of YOU~ Coz i know it’s not worth it .

Now that u see me all around town , posters , newspaper , banners , my business , my shows , and u tend to curse me more ? Then good , may god bless u forever for cursing me … my Mr. Karma will get you someday . By then i wont be laughing at you , i will help u . Im serious . Coz i know when u r at the point when u realized alot of things , u’ll finally understand how i felt deep down inside me … and by then , i know very well that you wont hate me anymore …

And NOW , people around me are fakers , posers , angels , gods and devils … They are alway there … just step aside and look at people , u’ll end up with the answers that i gave … u cant runaways from all of them , but u must find away to handle different kind of them … i found the way already , have you ? I consider myelf as a LUCKY PERSON coz out of so many billions of ppl they picked me , they picked me to become the ‘topic / person of the day / month / year ‘ to curse about … see ? Im so lucky ~ thanks babe ~

Now , people do call me up everyday asking me ‘ dear ah , where r u now ? ‘ People who doesnt even wanna throw me a smile back then is calling me up now . Im grateful that in the end of time i get this point right now … when u’re nothing , u have nothing …. when u r something , u get everything …. it includes money, fame , status and everything …. so go n get yourself something , to get everything ………. get what i mean ?

Start talking behind my back NOW , hurry ~! Before u change ur mind n become my friend one day … Coz i believe if i dont hurt people , u guys will stop hurting me one day . And even if u guys duwanna stop hurting me , i still got more love and care from all around and u will never have as much love n care n pity from people …… Dont believe me ? Come and be my friend , i’ll show you how much love n care i have everyday …… The love and care i have from myself ….. the pity part , i’ll give it to u since u need it so much bitch ~ Muah ~ Lovey Lovey ~

Hate me for who i am ……… and i thank you for that ~ MmmMMuahHH ~ This is mE , hate it ? It’s your problem … I will never mess with you , but u r always welcome to mess me up , coz its ur choice after all … i have so many true friends now , i certainly dont want any people to hate me , but still , it’s not my choice … the choice lies in your hand ……… are you kind enough to be my friend ? Or the other way round ? And do u think hating me bring more luck and love and joy into your life ? If it does , then u r always welcome to hate me … coz i know , you dont know me , thats y u hate me … and u’ll never know me , coz u never give others a chance to know you …

One last question , do you think what u’re doing now are right ? Do you think hating a person is the solution ? Do you think you really know that person well ? And do you think you know yourself ? think about it …… and please forgive me if u still however , hate me … i never offend u before , but i wont hate you … coz i know its always the 3rd party who caused you guys hate me so much …

How would you feel If people are saying things which is not true behind you and wanted to make the whole world hate you , and yet m others still believe what they say and started to hate u …. and the circle of hate grows bigger n bigger day by day n u ended up with no supporter and friends around u ….

sO if u hate me today , its ok … but will pray hard today for u n hope that u’ll love others more today , and hopefully the person that you love and trust wont turn their back on you and hate you or try to hurt you one day …….. someday ….

Love Always ………….. Leng Yein

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 15th, 2006 at 11:40 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.