Leng Yein’s Blog

I had finally made my decision to shift down to KL and live alone , letting down everything that I had behind me , every sad moments that I’d been through , and ready to step into another level of … life … my life …

After all these days of searching , failing and falling apart … yet all I have is me to pick myself up again , and again , and again … I’ve been wondering and wanting to know the question that I had always been asking myself , which I never did had an answer to it , but now , everything will be different … Im very glad that i had found the answer , at last … I had found my true life , my long lost moments that I had , however , lost some how since so very long long time ago …

All my life , im battling with no one alongside me but myself … Daddy , thanks for leaving me so soon coz I learnt my life earlier than others . Mummy , thanks for having a new boyfriend coz im happy when I see u smiling . I promise that I’ll be home whenever my schedule is loose … and I will be home as much as I could … Don’t worry , ur lil girl will take care of ur lil princess here too … I’ll fetch her back whenever she has a break ~ We love u mummy ~! And SeanSean , study hard … I will always be there for you my dear , I promise … And I wont let anyone hurt u like what they did to me … That’s it , my whole life , my story … ends here …ends here in this lil space of mine , along with my fallen pieces …

This new place will be my new home , my new story … I will pray very hard for a life , which is totally different from what I’d been through before … no , not again …

Im playing my 3 favourites , Richard Clayderman’s - A Comme Amour , Couleur Tenoresse , and Couer Fragile while im writing this very special blog of mine right now , these pieces seemed to know me so well that they know how my feelings are running right now …

My diary , my story , my life … will be jotted down in this frame , this tiny lil private room of mine … Im really glad that u took your time to read n study my blog , and study me … By the end of the day , this , is nothing much more … but me ……

Looking back on what had happen and what’s happening right now , I even wonder as if one day im lost in my life , would this be the place where I can sit down , sipping my champagne , reading every single letters that I’d typed , every single chapter of story that I’d wrote … looking back on my life , keeping track of myself in the past , the present , and coupe myself throughout everything and touch the future … and the more I write , the more I urge to keep on writing …

Sitting down alone in this empty room , its so quiet and peaceful here … even the air cond’s are clearly heard . Everything seemed to be out of my visibility , its as though everything doesn’t really matters anymore … With the piano pieces notes dancing around me , my mind is focused to just one single person right now … A very very special person in my life … a gift … a miracle … a myth that I’d once lost hope on … and a story , a story that im gonna learn , grow up , hold on , take up the risk , and pay my price for it …

‘ If u love a person , u should let them go and see them happy ‘ and ‘ Happiness comes once , so grab it before its gone ‘ … It’s 2 strong statement which is totally different . Im tutoring myself every now and then … Kept reminding myself that things might not be the same again the next second , so that I wont forget to cherish the very second that I still have before I lost my chance to … That I will always look at things at the brighter side like what I had always been telling myself of that after the rain , the rainbow eventually appears again … and that the day would be better .But why if there’s no more sunshine after the rain ? Or that u have a piano lesson and cant go out side to see the rainbow ? I psycho myself not to think at all , and stay mind clear n mind strong all the time . I know that this way wont help , but at least , it’ll make things better … and that he is happy , and I’ll be alright … For once again in my life , im happy … Every now and then , I kept telling myself that no matter what happens , expect the unexpected and expect the worst , so that im prepared for it … and I guessed that everything would at least be better this way so that even when time comes , Im ready to leave again … and by then , maybe I’ll force myself to see the outcome of ‘ Every cloud has a silver lining ‘ … But why if there’s no cloud in the sky … its ok , coz I still have myself … I has always been me alone , why doesn’t it make any difference there ? Now this , is life …

Befriend your tears … by then , only u’ll have no fear for love … God gave me a hope , in return , I will cherish this gift and keep it with me as long as I have a chance to … until the day that it’s gone , I will keep this very special gift in my heart , forever … No one knows what’ll happen in the end of the day … But at least for now , we are more than just happy … and for this , I had already have the whole world …

Love Always ……. Leng Yein

It’s been awhile since i ever wanted or even just felt like having someone other than girls by my side … I really enjoy having my girls around me though , no offense but i never felt any happier than this when im with my girls … until ……

It’s not easy for me to fall in love , but its tougher for me to force myself not to love …

I always hope that i could just , just find a guy whom i dont feel irritated when he’s near me , feeling so secured when he’s around , felt so warm when he hug me … there’s so many around me but all of them are not what im looking for , or should i say , i fall for … its not about who they are , what they have , or how much they gave out … the problem is , am i interested ? My answer was constant back then that i just wanna have all my time with Karena … until something happened …

Days back , when i really needed some pure care , and all ppl around me just wanna offer me some fake care n wish for a what my cowcow called FF = Free Fuck . Damn ~! Really made me changed my mind of having a 2nd bf man ~! So sick of all the fakers n posers out there … Love ? Love cant buy u food man ~ Love ? I can get as much from my girls ~ n still , doesnt need to be hurt , coz girls cant hurt me like u guys do … Me ? I gave up on searching coz i dont wanna be attached coz by being that meaning i will get unnecessary phone calls babbling me 24-7 checkin on me on where am i who am i with what am i up to why am i not sleepin yet this n that n bla bla bla so tell me again , why do i need a boyfren ? Traveling here n there , forcing myself so badly , filling up my time with works n piles of projects , all because i just duwanna settle down quietly n felt so empty n lonely .. tats all …

God , WE , both of us , know that we love each other as much , or even when u have no time to love me , im gonna love myself as much too . But life is always like this i guess huh ? It’s not that u dont grab your chance , but u dont even have a chance to …

Im sad , very very sad lately … forcing myself to learn tat to love someone is to let them go and seeing them being happy … i never tot that this fake fairy tales talk is happening , coz all these while i tot it just happened in drama … The one you love , might not be the one you can love … not because he dont love you , but because of certain facts and we cant possibly be together … letting go , its easy to say , but my heart aches every now n then … and this , i felt like shit ~! My single life is so so wonderful , used to be so fun with my girls , doing crazy things together … until recently , im confused … Im still as happy , but i felt empty inside …

Its been a year after my break up … i had however , eventually , little by little , started to heal … its scary to have this feeling … coz i’d always pull back on that totally . But now as no one is forcing me , im nearer to this trap …

i need you … but i cant … im really really sad … so i guess i’ll just work harder n stop myself from being an idiot … im really down … very very down … and my body is starting to feel weak , guess i worked myself too hard n forcing myself too far though …

Once , long long time ago , even myself had already forgotten when was the last time , but now , for the second time in my life … im really sorry to say that … I Love You …

Unforgettable moments … leng yein

Dear friends , forgive me for muting myself out for such a long long time . Was extremely busy days back n in days coming so cant expect much from me though ~

Dush ~! <— special sound effect for a special start up ~ Finger also kaku oledi ~ Well well well … got loads of messages regarding my blog , sorry ah … i’d already try my best to keep on writing oledi but at times im really not free de lah … but im very touched tat u guys really follow n keep track on me , thanks thanks ~ *baby felt so touched*

Money isn’t everything , but without money , u’ll lose almost everything … agree ? I’ll analysed on that , wait lah … aiyoH ~ If that watsoever metre is 10 , and u’re at like erm … 1-3 , having alotsa money is everything u’ll ever wanted . But when u’re at the level of 6-9 , u’d have the power to get or have everything tat u wish for , even 10 girlfrens i suppose … in ur dream ? No shit man , u can have , coz with the money u had , the 10 girls will be smart enough to share each other n not fight herself outta ur house u idiot . So guys , get ur ass settle down n work hard . Girls , you should do the same too , coz if one day ur guy leaves u , what cha gonna do ? Buy a Vogue magazine sit by the roadside n cover ur face with the page where they have the LV advertisement so tat u can have a sweeter dream n settle down by the longkang ah ? Have a life , its yours n no one can help u on that but urself .

Switch place , if u r very pretty or rich or sexy or slutty n all the guys around u SMACK!!! can easily fall in love with u or should i say u can make any guy u like to fall for u easily n crazily , yes , a supergirl u are … haha ~u think with the look u have u can have everything ah ? You thought u have everything but wait until a time when everyone just wanna fuck u n leave , are you happy ? Or after u officially get FUCKED , they’ll treat u differently . How would u feel ? You were dreaming about having a guy neglective of whether he’s poor or ugly or stupid who’ll love u for who you are , girl ~ STOP DREAMING , coz its not gonna happen . U know why , let me ask u a question , WHO ARE YOU ? think again , WHO ARE YOU ? then , the next one , are they blind ? You still dont get it dont you ? If u r not pretty , will guys get attracted to u ? And if u expect guys nowadays to love u as much even after they marry u but u urself doesnt look that good anymore do u think its possible for them to do that ? Will they even dare to bring u out to show their frens tat they have a T-rex at home ? I know that ppl say YOU CANT LOOK GOOD FOREVER , n im gonna tell them this ‘ YOUR MUM TAUGHT U TAT ? ‘ Who said WE GIRLS cant look good forever ? We can ~ We just need to keep ourselves in track , look good at our age … u cant expect ur granma wearing ur gold bikini holding hands with ur granpa can u ? No ~! At least u dont wear the same clothes for a week , that sounds good … Hmm … So pretty girls , rich girls , smart girls , cocky girls , girls , all girls , just bare in mind that this is the fact that no matter who come near u trying to be your fren , they’re up to something . It either something good or bad , frenship only ? Na , i dont think so … maybe first frenship , but after that , hoping for more i should say … so dont be stupid , everyone’s up to something , remember that . Innocent girls are stupid , not so called good girls anymore , the word doesnt exist already . If u’re innocent , try to act not ~! Coz ppl will just take advantage of u , not help u u silly girl ~! Help to lay u on the bed maybe .. hmm … So , this blog advise u girls to becareful of all the people around u , open ur eyes big big big before u do something which maybe can or will affect ur future life alot … i had my lesson once but i learn from it . So please dont make yours , coz its not easy to make it tru … and YOU , know what i mean by that …

Guys turn ~! You’re rich , you’re a celebrity , you’re sizzling hot , you’re successful , you’re everything ? Yes , of course ~! You’re everything a girl wants in a future husband ?? ~ Haha ~ , so sweet hor ? I tell u what , with all those potential u have $$ , u do however fit perfectly into their potetial financial plan u dumb dumb ~! Girls around u love u for who u are ? Haha ~ Is ur education level until standard 6 ? Stop day dreaming guys , if u’re TAT high up , becareful of who u choose . Always cherish the one who was staying by n on ur side when u’re nothing days back . They , are the true ones whom u can hardly find around u now , wat , in loft n cynna n luna bar ? Haha ~! Come on , i know u have money n u can have loads of girls with loads of happiness n who cares to settle down with one , i mean by all means its ok to have loads of girls with u at the same time but think again , if something really awful happened to you , how many outta the crowd would stay by ur side ? My answer , all ~! Coz they want u to get their name into ur will after u die u dumb dumb ~! Its easy for a girl to grab a rich guy , and its very easy for a rich guy to grab any girl he sees , but then … is that what u really want ?

The fact is , there’s always a reason behind one choosing another and not the other options they have … and with intentions … we cant change the fact but then , we can choose to have the least level of bad intention ppl to stay …

We’re too young to settle down , yes its true … so play hard , rock hard , bang hard , whatever hard … by the time u wish to settle down … just do it n forget about the pass … then , move on with your dream … choose wisely n never regret … coz every individuals are different in a way , dont expect others to adapt themselves into ur life , coz things will be nasty that way … just go with the flow … and like what i always say … as long as you are happy , always ….

kisses from …. leng yein