Love for me is … part 17
It’s been awhile since i ever wanted or even just felt like having someone other than girls by my side … I really enjoy having my girls around me though , no offense but i never felt any happier than this when im with my girls … until ……
It’s not easy for me to fall in love , but its tougher for me to force myself not to love …
I always hope that i could just , just find a guy whom i dont feel irritated when he’s near me , feeling so secured when he’s around , felt so warm when he hug me … there’s so many around me but all of them are not what im looking for , or should i say , i fall for … its not about who they are , what they have , or how much they gave out … the problem is , am i interested ? My answer was constant back then that i just wanna have all my time with Karena … until something happened …
Days back , when i really needed some pure care , and all ppl around me just wanna offer me some fake care n wish for a what my cowcow called FF = Free Fuck . Damn ~! Really made me changed my mind of having a 2nd bf man ~! So sick of all the fakers n posers out there … Love ? Love cant buy u food man ~ Love ? I can get as much from my girls ~ n still , doesnt need to be hurt , coz girls cant hurt me like u guys do … Me ? I gave up on searching coz i dont wanna be attached coz by being that meaning i will get unnecessary phone calls babbling me 24-7 checkin on me on where am i who am i with what am i up to why am i not sleepin yet this n that n bla bla bla so tell me again , why do i need a boyfren ? Traveling here n there , forcing myself so badly , filling up my time with works n piles of projects , all because i just duwanna settle down quietly n felt so empty n lonely .. tats all …
God , WE , both of us , know that we love each other as much , or even when u have no time to love me , im gonna love myself as much too . But life is always like this i guess huh ? It’s not that u dont grab your chance , but u dont even have a chance to …
Im sad , very very sad lately … forcing myself to learn tat to love someone is to let them go and seeing them being happy … i never tot that this fake fairy tales talk is happening , coz all these while i tot it just happened in drama … The one you love , might not be the one you can love … not because he dont love you , but because of certain facts and we cant possibly be together … letting go , its easy to say , but my heart aches every now n then … and this , i felt like shit ~! My single life is so so wonderful , used to be so fun with my girls , doing crazy things together … until recently , im confused … Im still as happy , but i felt empty inside …
Its been a year after my break up … i had however , eventually , little by little , started to heal … its scary to have this feeling … coz i’d always pull back on that totally . But now as no one is forcing me , im nearer to this trap …
i need you … but i cant … im really really sad … so i guess i’ll just work harder n stop myself from being an idiot … im really down … very very down … and my body is starting to feel weak , guess i worked myself too hard n forcing myself too far though …
Once , long long time ago , even myself had already forgotten when was the last time , but now , for the second time in my life … im really sorry to say that … I Love You …
Unforgettable moments … leng yein
June 2nd, 2006 at 6:59 am
this is my 1st time visit ur blog. my godness, you r such a superb bz girl. i never seen,i such workaholic but now i think u r the NO1 workaholic =)
i think all i want to tell you is, Take care and have a a good rest somtime! drink more water! all the best for u future!
June 2nd, 2006 at 8:50 am
why make yourself so bussy? feel free contact to contact us back when you free
June 2nd, 2006 at 9:14 am
I admire your strength which many ladies lack, dear. You’ve been running all over the world & trying hard to settle a relationship. I know how chaotic your mind feels & sadden to hear of it. Hey, Stay tough.. cookie. You’re special one is out there. =)
June 2nd, 2006 at 9:48 am
I Guess this is wat we call life! shit happens and we have to learn to suck up and move on..
I guess i am not the only suckup going through this shit…:)…cheer up ya!!!
tmr will be a better day!! hug2
June 2nd, 2006 at 9:32 pm
Love = Headache, agree?
June 2nd, 2006 at 11:39 pm
i think wat u say is true.luv is a difficult for a gal like you.u like to be free and not be controlled by people and a pretty gal like you guys just want to have a good fuck and that it.i think people today have more passion for sex and lust rather than luv.I had the same problem as you when i find that gals i know closely alwaiz lookingfor guy who are handsome,driving a sport car and lots of money.I think its because of security.Bu they fail to understand that most guys like this have alwiz fool them and having good time with different gals.To me if you are looking for luv , first dont be racist.Dont’ look for a guy just because he has good looks and money and many other things.give chance to guys who can really luv u, understand you and trust you.The most important thing is trust.
This is all i have to say.
Thank You.
Regards,
Ramesh
June 5th, 2006 at 7:04 am
hi dear….once again this is only my second comment on ur blog(s) although have been ur so-called loyal reader since a few months ago….what i think of love is too complicated…i’m even too naive to define the term “love” as it brings lots and lots of meaning. So,in the end I would rather let love define itself its own meaning and let it spread the meaning naturally to everyone who face the similar situation….Love doesn’t cost a thing..?? well, u judge on that…take care Leng Yein..
June 5th, 2006 at 7:59 pm
I don’t really know you, but after seeing your blogs I can’t control myself to reply you on my comment.
Every one’s life will fuc*up some time, especially in love life. Love will change from sweet, happy to become biter and up sad, so…….What’s a big deal? As long you can health yourself after the lesson, think positively and live happily… Life still got a long way to go, we have friends, family……..take more time to accompany them while you can. Cause im always remember when we are sad, down and feel life is suck and grey……..the ONE who always beside us and pull us up from the dark side is our FRIEND & FAMILY.
Take some time, sooner you will know the rules of the life and the ‘game’……
Chill my friend…………Don’t worry, be Happy!
June 6th, 2006 at 5:33 am
i saw ur pic in a magazine..
hypertune i guess..
u gave ur email so i added u..
i think ur going to die bcos of working all the time.. hehe..
June 6th, 2006 at 8:17 am
I agree with ramesh. Trust is important.. as well as communication & respect. There’s no racist there. Just the ‘blink’ blink”$’ ‘$’ clouds many eyes. But I trust you have a good judge of eyes now. Just stay tough. =) Hope to hear from you when u r free again. Cheers!
June 9th, 2006 at 4:29 pm
Don’t stop trying to be what you want to be. It doesn’t make you any less human to feel the things you feel.
So cheer up and look forward coz tomorrow is another new and exciting day.
December 3rd, 2006 at 4:04 am
HEY.. YOU WILL FIND YOUR REAL LOVE ONE DAY.. AFTER I READ YOUR BLOG, I’M AGREE MY NOT YOUR TYPE.. THANK FOR YOUR BLOG..
February 28th, 2007 at 8:35 pm
I don’t know whether u do check the comments or not. But never mind, just to share a piece of my thiking
I totally agree. To me, luv sucks. Dunno why. Scared of it already. After so many times, feel that very hard to fall in love again. Maybe all these while i’ve been facing failure. Or, shall I say, I am a love failure. It just hurts so much. Well, what’s the point of getting myself hurt again? It’s better to stay away from it. Being whom I want to be, and being myself. My cool self…. stay cool….
April 13th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Dear Leng Yein,
reading about your love life, your perceptions towards love and life and your ultimate goals has made me ponder about my own experiences and encounters. Be it about love or life.
Is it really about girls or boys? Believe me, even friends of our own gender could hurt us. In fact, sometimes they can even leave a deeper wound and harder to heal coz they may be the people we entrusted our life with.
I have had my fair share of heartbreaking experiences too. I have had my fair share of disappointments when it comes to love. But somehow, I managed to pull through, put them behind me and moved on with my life.
Not wanting to love again is definitely a no no. Give yourself another chance except, be wiser and avoid making mistakes this time around. I am sure that someone out there, was meant for you.
I agree with you about one thing though, that work could enable us to forget our pains, agonies and sorrows coz that was how my business was built to its present state.
At 38, still single and having a reasonably stable business and income, I thought that I have achieved my goals in life. But gosh, how very wrong was I.
In moments of loneliness, I do somehow yearned for a girl I could love and share my life and success with. Build a family and grow old together with.
Therefore, I would like to express my sincere and humble advise to you. Don’t ever give up girl,allow yourself to love and be loved again. You will never regret it.
I may not be the best person for you to seek any advise from, but I could at least share my experiences and encounters with you.
Should you need any opinion, feel free to drop me an email at swiftnsmooth@hotmail.com