My Miracle … Part 18
I had finally made my decision to shift down to KL and live alone , letting down everything that I had behind me , every sad moments that I’d been through , and ready to step into another level of … life … my life …
After all these days of searching , failing and falling apart … yet all I have is me to pick myself up again , and again , and again … I’ve been wondering and wanting to know the question that I had always been asking myself , which I never did had an answer to it , but now , everything will be different … Im very glad that i had found the answer , at last … I had found my true life , my long lost moments that I had , however , lost some how since so very long long time ago …
All my life , im battling with no one alongside me but myself … Daddy , thanks for leaving me so soon coz I learnt my life earlier than others . Mummy , thanks for having a new boyfriend coz im happy when I see u smiling . I promise that I’ll be home whenever my schedule is loose … and I will be home as much as I could … Don’t worry , ur lil girl will take care of ur lil princess here too … I’ll fetch her back whenever she has a break ~ We love u mummy ~! And SeanSean , study hard … I will always be there for you my dear , I promise … And I wont let anyone hurt u like what they did to me … That’s it , my whole life , my story … ends here …ends here in this lil space of mine , along with my fallen pieces …
This new place will be my new home , my new story … I will pray very hard for a life , which is totally different from what I’d been through before … no , not again …
Im playing my 3 favourites , Richard Clayderman’s - A Comme Amour , Couleur Tenoresse , and Couer Fragile while im writing this very special blog of mine right now , these pieces seemed to know me so well that they know how my feelings are running right now …
My diary , my story , my life … will be jotted down in this frame , this tiny lil private room of mine … Im really glad that u took your time to read n study my blog , and study me … By the end of the day , this , is nothing much more … but me ……
Looking back on what had happen and what’s happening right now , I even wonder as if one day im lost in my life , would this be the place where I can sit down , sipping my champagne , reading every single letters that I’d typed , every single chapter of story that I’d wrote … looking back on my life , keeping track of myself in the past , the present , and coupe myself throughout everything and touch the future … and the more I write , the more I urge to keep on writing …
Sitting down alone in this empty room , its so quiet and peaceful here … even the air cond’s are clearly heard . Everything seemed to be out of my visibility , its as though everything doesn’t really matters anymore … With the piano pieces notes dancing around me , my mind is focused to just one single person right now … A very very special person in my life … a gift … a miracle … a myth that I’d once lost hope on … and a story , a story that im gonna learn , grow up , hold on , take up the risk , and pay my price for it …
‘ If u love a person , u should let them go and see them happy ‘ and ‘ Happiness comes once , so grab it before its gone ‘ … It’s 2 strong statement which is totally different . Im tutoring myself every now and then … Kept reminding myself that things might not be the same again the next second , so that I wont forget to cherish the very second that I still have before I lost my chance to … That I will always look at things at the brighter side like what I had always been telling myself of that after the rain , the rainbow eventually appears again … and that the day would be better .But why if there’s no more sunshine after the rain ? Or that u have a piano lesson and cant go out side to see the rainbow ? I psycho myself not to think at all , and stay mind clear n mind strong all the time . I know that this way wont help , but at least , it’ll make things better … and that he is happy , and I’ll be alright … For once again in my life , im happy … Every now and then , I kept telling myself that no matter what happens , expect the unexpected and expect the worst , so that im prepared for it … and I guessed that everything would at least be better this way so that even when time comes , Im ready to leave again … and by then , maybe I’ll force myself to see the outcome of ‘ Every cloud has a silver lining ‘ … But why if there’s no cloud in the sky … its ok , coz I still have myself … I has always been me alone , why doesn’t it make any difference there ? Now this , is life …
Befriend your tears … by then , only u’ll have no fear for love … God gave me a hope , in return , I will cherish this gift and keep it with me as long as I have a chance to … until the day that it’s gone , I will keep this very special gift in my heart , forever … No one knows what’ll happen in the end of the day … But at least for now , we are more than just happy … and for this , I had already have the whole world …
Love Always ……. Leng Yein
June 11th, 2006 at 8:51 am
dear leng yein,
in lifes, there are always ups and downs. it depends on how you view it and react. take it as a challenge and you shall learn to be stronger in life. and no one can hurt you except you the one who hurt yourself, learn to love yourself. no matter what you are, you always have some truly friends and precious family that are besides you and support you 100%. think positively. all the best, leng yein.
*hugs*
siokwan
June 11th, 2006 at 9:08 am
Dear Yein,
Emotion runs high everytime i read your blog… but u know what, there’s nobody to defeat in anything you do except for yourself. I agree with siokwan, take everything positively, and u know there’s definitely someone close who will give you their full support… “what doesn’t kills you will only make you stronger”.. Hold on to that.. i wish you all the best and happiness in your journey thru life..Peace~
June 11th, 2006 at 6:47 pm
i think that starting over would be best for you and your future.hope you have a wonderful life in kl and hope to see you soon.
June 12th, 2006 at 4:06 am
You’ve been strong since the day you left your x. Never think you are weak as you’ve always been strong. Sometimes, we do feel lonely & wish we had our other half. Staying in KL would change you as a person; & I hope the best for you. Do keep intouch & do apologies for any inconviences. You’re a women whom alot of ladies admire; the strength you have.
June 12th, 2006 at 9:42 am
Deep within..my heart weeps..it’s a composition of joy & heartache..joy as I see a growth & maturity in ur life, ur everyth..ache as I’m pinned down to the very ground where I stand & once felt so proud of..Thinking back of how ignorance & reckless I was, my pride & dignity began to shatter..Inferiority is what that haunts me lately..
Have faith in what u believe, and do whatever u feel like to..Banish the word ‘regret’ from ur dictionary..U’ll always have my soul..
Last night, I saw an angel..so pure is her heart that it purifies all my sins..As plain as a paper I am now, just a little more time to reconstruct a whole new world for the angel whom I’d die for..
Miracle exist, justice will prevail..The reward will come, in a very grand manner.
sincerely,
Lucifer
The Sinner
June 12th, 2006 at 7:00 pm
Just have one thing to say. life is not dark. life itself shines. we have to look out for the good and don’t ponder too long on the bad. There WILL be a better tomorrow! That’s a truth. So you can expect something great coming your way
friends,
kok seng
June 15th, 2006 at 4:31 am
Dear Leng_Yein
Life is so short,depends on how we use it and spent it with our talent.
Maybe tmr morning u wake up will be no more,but at least we always promise ourselve never regreat to live on earth each day..
Be bleesed.
When back ur lovely hometown,drop me a msg ya.Let’s us chit chat la ya..ok…
From: Hirai
June 22nd, 2006 at 2:09 pm
Life is unpredictable,
What we do now will decide for our future,
living alone and leaving sad moments away doesn’t mean can leave many things forever, but moving on with life show we do appreciate it and intend to live on to become a better person.
Dun’t rely to live on a person, but live with the person, even if it’s just urself alone only.
To me, I dun’t care a shit of what people said about me..
My life is live on my own and I do what I feel is right for myself, in this world only my Parent or God can take away what I had, including my life.
I support what you doing Leng Yein…KEEP IT UP AND DUN’T GIVE UP ON URSELF. =)
June 24th, 2006 at 12:21 am
perhaps moving to KL will make you happier.
no matter what you do, I support you Leng Yein. =)
June 25th, 2006 at 11:53 am
I can’t say that I understand what you have been through because I really don’t. By reading your blog, I can see that you have grown into a mature, confident and a strong lady. You created story of your own and you inspire everyone who read your story. Ignore and abandon what’s bad for you, cherish and hold on to what’s good for you. Miracle does happen and its happening in your life now. You will always be bless by those who love and support you but most importantly, GOD’S BLESSING. Take care babe and never give up
June 28th, 2006 at 8:53 am
Hi there, long time never post or contacts u and ur frens, for my dissappearance, there maybe is nothing to ur girls,but the time when i choosing this, i think this would be the best ba,pls give my best regards to ur frens and wai wai, tell her, i leave her alone because i think her bf in ktan is loving her much more.. and i retreat is a very good way for both of us.. i am now in china, will be planning to carve open a careers here the prospect is good, wish u all the best.. my best wish for you all…good lucks^^
July 12th, 2006 at 11:38 pm
Be true to urself
Be nice to urself
Be happy to urself
do that!
U will overcome evrything!
May 19th, 2007 at 8:39 am
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